with thoughts purely disgruntled, irrational beings surround me, when do i find solace? when did being sadomasochist become legal that tormenting is humane? my troubles and fears, doubts, frustrations, insecurities seem to dance with the darkest horizons, and chaos seemed to be the only wind that make me suffocate from within. animosity and and anger prevails. the choice of companionship might have been false. now, grudges is long being harbored. disappointments. regrets.

i have to manage my escape from this habit. no excuses. learn from relish of the feeling of the chains bruising my limbs. i gotta learn from this. it's a dark hollow catastrophic segment which my consciousness must relieve. the flow is not always as good as it looks. this downfall shall rise the empire of triumph. every aspect of it. attachment by affection should be controlled. sheer pleasure is what i look forward to. enough of the plastic not so authentic posers pretentious cassanovas of their intentions of significantly taking advantage of my humility and kindness. I need my cure. stop stumbling.

Currently feeling: hopeful

I assume the next coming weeks would be worse as hell. Midterms or i should say sad days are here. fcuk namaaaaan. i mean, this one prof keeps on making matters worse!!! she keeps on sending us things like

awww, ngaun pa that im so addicted to this frat site that im really enjoying. so im in la salle everyday ganun ba?

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seriously now, i'm at the point of looking for something which im having a hard time searching. so much so that there are instances when i would dream of it and thought that i finally have it. and then disappointment comes when i wake up, saying "shit! i shouldn't be getting up". surprising because i've never wuz like this in my whole entire life. but i aint desperate. just hopeful.

ive been diggin' for friends from the past crossing my fingers that i'll find it with them. but so far, negative. but i'm not giving up. i believe that sooner, it will materialize. my only consolation for now is the freedom that i have. thanks to Him coz he never keeps me idle (but i hate skewl werkz, lol), letting me forget (for the meantime) all these hullabaloos. i'm still hoping i'll soon find it, but i aint in a hurry. i'll take adrian's advice, go out with rafe for the time being. ahaha. and ithappened. he might be reading this so Hi!

    other than that, theres this thing that bothers me. ive been bragging about it in unconsciously but i'd rather keep it to myself. i guess there are times when you think u know everything but thats not the case coz its reality. it could be that the saying "WYSIWYG" that must be my philosophy para wala na tanong tanong and arguements. but of course, there are things you can't stop asking about coz they're unclear. well kunsabagay, i myself have DDS or "deepest darkest secret" how much more with other people? period!  

oh! Thanks God! Mum's safe.

Currently feeling: hopeful